byebye

america, you have been good to me.
seeya round
cross your fingers that i don't get lost on my way over

i peeked into my head

i can't wait!
don't make me go.
time is moving kind of quickly, don't you think?
feels kind of slow to me.
it almost doesn't phase me
it makes me pretty anxious
que sera, sera.

i miss you
i don't care
no, i really don't.
that's because you're avoiding the thought
no i'm not.

i remember it like it was yesterday.
it feels like it never even happened
are you sure you didn't forget something?
your toothbrush?
no, i keep one in my purse.
i love them
then why do you forget?
i said i love them

you can't afford that.
i got this.
i'm going to get a tea instead of a latte because it's a dollar cheaper.
i'm going to get a quesadilla instead of a salad because it's only a dollar more expensive.

you're awesome
you're nuts
i know exactly what i want to do in the future, and how to get there
dunno, seems to me like you don't plan anything at all
que sera, sera.

angst is not allowed before bedtime.

i wonder if it's sad that i get so happy when i put on a pair of my favorite socks.
i wonder if it's happy that i get so sad when i have to say goodbye on my last day of work.

i wonder if an ice cube and a light bulb could ever be friends.
i often feel lucky that i am allowed to think for myself and not feel bad about it. i am allowed to be fascinated by robots, and read about jehovahs witness. i can try to understand jim jones, and i can be friends with whomever i want, and travel out of my country to most anyplace i'd like, and pursue pretty much any interest or hobby. there are lots of people in the world who can't do a lot of those things because of family, or political, or religious beliefs.

i think life is so big for such a tiny person. i am only five foot four, you know.
sometimes i am afraid i might burst.

wake me

i can't believe the holocaust happened.
and is still happening.

coincidences

isn't it weird, how there are so many coincidences but so many people insist that it's really all in your head, but it can't always be in my head?

i think.

like i just wrote about bill gates, and then for a comment i had to type "gates" for the verification thing
haha.
and that's just something little, but that happens all the time. but you know, maybe it's just because i always make connections between things all the time. i don't mean to, it just happens. so maybe it really wasn't a coincidence after all.

or maybe it was.

if five years later i won the lottery, you wouldn't be able to tell. i think i'd just have an average house, with maybe above average home appliances. and i'd shop at organic stores for food and stuff.
and i'd use the rest of the money on things that actually mean something.
and i would travel. and give people really awesome birthday gifts.

my dad was saying the other day that at one point bill gates had 64 billion dollars ( he probably has more now), and said something like to grasp that concept just think, that's enough to give everyone in the world nine dollars.
which made me realize that that would be such a bad idea. because even though it's giving to everyone, it's really not enough to change anything. and so if you're going to invest into something, it's better to invest concentrated effort into a few important things that will actually make an impact. and maybe even that impact will ripple.